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• Correspondent Larry Pinkney
• Resume: Published writer / political columnist, activist, and speaker.
• 

Country - USA; Stacey Dash; Genre - Comedy; Creators - Nina May; Year - 2020. 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Jimmy Neutron Background He may be small, but he's got a big brain. Jimmy Neutron is a genius 10 year old kid with an abnormally large brain who constantly builds impressive inventions in Retroville USA. He often hangs around with his best friends, hyperactive and Ultra-Lord-loving Sheen Estevez and asthmatic, ultra-allergic Carl Wheezer, not to mention his robotic dog Goddard. Together with his love interest/enemy/frenemies Cindy and Libby and a few other characters Jimmy always applies his brain blasts to fight crime or save Retroville, USA (An American town that is somehow either 8 hours or 45 minutes ahead of New York's time zone) in some way or another. Gotta blast! Recommended Listening Streamable deleted so many of my goddamn videos I'm so are more feats that can be uploaded as soon as somebody figures out how to download episodes because Hulu doesn't work and neither did Streamable. Until then this will have to do. Reposted with the proper title. Feats Physicals Jimmy has a few impressive physical feats surprisingly. Strength I don't really even know what the fuck happens here but hey he threw Libby over his head that's strong Speed Dodges under a disintegrating blast shot at him from behind (really good reflexes here) Dodges a deleting blast from nanobots while jumping onto Goddard and then dodges a ton more while on Goddard's flycycle (good reactions/reflexes feat as well as a good piloting feat) Dodges mental bolts hurled by Super-Sheen Dodges under a trash can hurled at him by a Jimmy clone (good reflexes) Dodges and weaves through the legs of a giant monster to get to his rocket with Goddard Dodges a few snake strikes to feed it a muscle relaxant, outruns a few snakes moving pretty quickly and jumps over a snake that comes out of pretty much nowhere at his feet Drops down and catches a falling Cindy while he's swinging on a vine (sick reflexes) Pushes a lady and a baby crib out of the way of a speeding car Does the Looney Tunes zip Accuracy Shoots this dart gun across his room to hit a sun on a mobile Throws this book from a good distance away and hits a lever causing an amusement park ride to start Tags this giant lake monster from a boat with a fishing rod Sticks three pins into Libby, Sheen, and Bolby with a throw Hits this space rock with a locator device while flying through the air on Goddard from a decent distance away (very impressive) Durability For the record, I'm well aware that Jimmy can survive in space without a helmet, I think that has more to do with the nature of the universe than anything else so I'm not counting it as a feat After this massive rocket crash landing (through billboards, power lines, etc. ) he's unscathed and says "Well that wasn't so bad" His head goes through this wall and he's fine While tiny, the shrink ray lands on him and he's fine (may not be that impressive because he's able to carry it with a little difficulty) Also while tiny, gets kicked out a mailslot and down some steps and is fine Tanks some kind of lightning attack from these giant pants (sentences i never thought id type for 500) Tanks a crash from space where the rocket essentially turned into a fireball on reentry Tanks this boat getting thrown and sunk by a giant "lake monster" (heavily mutated turtle) Tanks being telekinetically hurled by Sheen (strong enough to uproot floor tile below him) Gets hit with this giant bowling ball and is fine shortly after Is hit with Sheen's electrocuting "Brain Bolt" and is stunned but is up less than a minute later Takes this massive fall off of his bug thing and is fine and sprinting a few seconds later Here's some more of him falling in the arena Gets chucked by this alien brute strong enough to smash up this metal gong Another crash landing from orbit in which he's totally fine Tanks a super-strong Cindy literally sending him flying at least a couple hundred feet (yes he's wearing a suit but he did not have any sort of powers buff in this state his power was to turn into a Hulk-like creature and he wasn't using it at this point) Is fine after this fall from the hovercar into the ocean (pretty significant height) Tanks a "100 foot" fall into the water (yes it doesn't show him getting out but the episode cuts to the other characters here and he doesn't have any injuries afterwards so Tanks this electricity attack from Calamitous' robot Intelligence/Non-Gadget Achievements Turned a hamster completely invisible Created a "girl-eating plant" smart enough to eat the photograph of a girl every single time when presented with choices Has a hydraulic press capable of turning heated coal into diamond Commandeers the flying suit of an alien with impressive results In a similar vein, successfully launches an alien spaceship he's never seen before Dodges tons of lasers while piloting the ship and Empire Strikes Backs all of the ships but one by flying close to a star Creates a functioning walker out of spare parts in a laundromat pretty quickly (in show time this happens within the span of like a couple minutes) It can shoot starch (theyre pants but i guess he could fill it with tear gas or something use your imagination) and shoot irons pretty fast Generated enough static electricity with it to fry a nanochip Once made his grandmother magnetic Turned his grandmother into an infant Also turns Carl into an old geezer Created another time replay device to bring him and his friends home with materials scavenged in the late Cretacious period Demutates a giant monster into the tiny turtle it originally was with a "demutation pill" (interesting to note that he wasn't expecting to encounter this creature and just had the pill on hand so its supposedly not specifically for turtles) Here's an example of his cloning technology; his tech clones the entire planet and as a result the original planet starts fading into oblivion after 90 minutes. Apparently specific people can be excluded from the fade effect and Jimmy has a device that can prevent things from fading as well Creates a health boost caplet that turns the Weezers into ridiculous superhumans (Jimmy later says this is very temporary and if they revert while exerting themselves they'll probably hurt themselves seeing how frail they normally are) Kicks a door clear off its hinges Spiderman type wall crawling, speed, agility, and strength Hulk leaping and pretty fast running/climbing Patches himself into the communications of fighter jet pilots Translates an alien language by himself Is able to (for a while, he crashes and they lose the game by almost 600 in a one point per goal sport) skillfully pilot this robotic bug vehicle thing without ever having done so before Downloads and watches at least a dozen of the "greatest movies of all time" at "hyperspeed" in order to watch a screenplay (also one of the most blatant 4th wall breaks in the series) Hacks into a giant robot the nanobots are using and defeats it by making it piss all over Carl and Sheen (this is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen I think. No, there's really not that much context you're missing, and yes, I'm tagging this NSFW) Smart enough to feed a snake a muscle relaxant to get it to stop attacking Cindy Possibly with Cindy's help, created these island houses with working plumbing and elevators on the first night of being stranded on this island Says that he can create fuel for his hovercar and be back home using just his watch and random materials from a desert island in the middle of nowhere While shrunken down, creates tiny radios and transmitters using spare materials as a form of psychological warfare I don't know if this is really a "power", but sometimes Jimmy does this thing called a "Brain Blast" where the inside of his head turns into a ride from Epcot or something and he pieces together a plan to complete his current objective. It's kind of one of his trademark things. Here's a good example Gadgets Jimmy is best known for his many gadgets and inventions. A lot of Jimmy's gadgets are kind of pointless like a tooth brushing machine or something so I'm probably gonna skip a lot of shit like that. Goddard Goddard gets his own section as, being Jimmy's constant mechanical dog companion and he's in the show/movie all the time, he has a ton of features. Physicals: Strong enough to crush an aluminum can in his jaws without harm Stays latched on to Patrick Stewart alien's arm and has to be pried off after 8 seconds Swallows a wrench whole Strong enough to lift Hugh inside the rocket while it's in motion Strong enough to generate enough velocity to whip Sheen off of this helicopter rope and fast enough to fly after him and catch him Features: Body features: Many mechanical arms: the first instance, * the second instance, * and the third Has a pretty stretchy neck (6 or 7 feet here) Somehow gets his neck and head into this faucet and becomes a camera for Jimmy from the other side Really good example of how far his neck can stretch, much farther than the first example (Strength feat as well as he supports Jimmy, Carl, Sheen, Libby, and Cindy at the same time on his neck) Can fly using helicopter ears Strong enough to support Jimmy while he does this Can retract his head and tail Flycycle - turns into a rocket bike that can travel through space Can also turn into a rocket-powered snowmobile Built in useful/significant gadgets: Able to scan with some kind of radar for lifeforms based on age (senior adult kid) and if they're a vertebrate, invertebrate, or plant at least within the borders of the town as he proves there's no nearby adults He apparently is always recording AV as he plays back random instances of Jimmy's Mom saying stuff on command Jimmy can use him as a skycam with a hookup to a live feed Here Goddard somehow has access to a forward view of Jimmy's parents driving home with no explanation Goddard's scanner can pick up where this falling rock is at Has telescope vision where he can project the results back to Jimmy on a big screen Here's another example of his telescope's range Somehow accesses the plumbing or something and flushes Sheen and Carl out of the bathroom Temperature gauge Mist that can reveal invisible lasers can come out of his nose Is able to hack into other robots allowing Jimmy to control them Has a crash pad capable of saving the 5 kids from a pretty significant jump A reoccurring thing Goddard does is provide Jimmy with two joke options when he doesn't know what to do and give him one option he hadn't thought of before giving him an idea Weapons/Offensive capabilities: Laser eyes strong enough to cut through metal guardrails on an amusement park ride Cut through the floor pretty handily (also bonus feat in his winch that can lift this section of the floor our) Destroys this giant boulder after its thrown by this giant monster Fucking literally roasts this bird Can self-destruct leaving a decent size crater in the ground and then reform a few seconds later Using this feature he obliterates an alien and knocks down a metal cell door Magnet strong enough to remove three weapons from three bandits' hands "Ion blast" and "paralyzer beam" (this creature seems completely immune to both so) Miscellaneous: Tail fire extinguisher Cell phone ear Spotlight eyes Vehicles/Transportation A two or three-man rocket. Keeps pace with American fighter jets (average cruising speed from a quick Google search is. 5 Mach or 380 mph but thats probably irrelevant) It has an ejector seat He can add two sidecars It has a cloaking device that can make OTHER objects invisible sufficient to confuse military pilots Durable enough to tank this creature hurling this giant rock at it Despite the usual fanfare involved in starting the rocket if required it can fly to him and take off fairly quickly Super Bubblegum-Mobile. As the man himself puts it, "bubble travel is the way of the future" as here you can see him bounce way higher than houses, cars, and a school bus. Based on some of the two story houses he's double the height of in this gif Jimmy is bouncing at least 40 feet high at the peak It pops when he collides with a tree (while casually at the same pace of a school bus which looks to be in a suburb so like 25 mph I'd say) but shields him from the impact as he's unscathed Jimmy's backpack converts into a jetpack. He uses this feature often in the series. Here he is flying at around the same speed as surrounding traffic. Briefly supports the weight of both Jimmy and his mother Easily supports himself and Cindy When Jimmy crashes he's going fast enough to go through this wall Has a 2-man walker with another ejector seat that folds into his backpack It has some sort of a laser cannon on it Jimmy's hovercar is pretty prominent throughout the TV show; it can seat up to 5 people generally and can go pretty fast with some nice turning capabilities Despite the impossibility of this, Jimmy says at one point that the car is traveling away at 100 miles per hour while on autopilot (this makes no sense because they went from Retroville to a spot in the Pacific Ocean where the equator is at and it presumably didn't take very long; maybe Jimmy is using hyperbole or that's the speed that the autopilot goes at or its the cruising speed or something who knows) Has a tractor beam capable of suspending all motion from and grabbing three people in the middle of a fall (also the car is implied to be going around Mach 2 at this point) It's strong enough to carry Jimmy, Carl, and this giant container full of these little creatures without causing any noticeable extra drag Has an autopilot Crashes after running out of gas into the ocean and not only is it fine, it floats and can act as a boat/raft in that regard Has an emergency missile/torpedo that destroys or at least sinks an ocean liner off-screen Some kind of flycycle that zooms around this building a few times pretty fast Jimmy also has a 5 person (plus Goddard) rocket that demonstrates manueverability when Jimmy dodges a flurry of laser fire Mining crane that at its highest setting causes a giant asteroid to break up Flying skateboard "Battle kite" with laser cannons able to easily shoot down other pretty impressive kites/drones (also pretty good piloting/skill feat here) Significant Gadgets The shrink ray. Shrinks Ms. Fowl to about the height of a toothpick It can also shrink objects It can shrink parts of people too (this gif also shows it can regrow things to original size) As part of a freak accident shrinks every single person in Retroville (it was only set to shrink "Human" which is why nothing else changed size) He has a shrink ray that can shrink bigger things like the hovercar with him and Sheen in it (same technology I assume) Can make himself PLANET-SIZE. Check the star feat and look at the scale of the ships if you doubt that it's actually planet-size, it definitely is. At this size he's able to blow away a large spaceship with enough force to make it explode against an asteroid Jimmy's watch is prominent throughout the show From here you can see the basic expanded overlay has a digital time, Goddard's vitals, and a list of useful phone numbers for Jimmy A communicator that can transmit to a walkie-talkie "Sanskrit to English translator" (they're Egyptian hieroglyphics and as you can see on the screen it's translating them so idk it's working Traces a broadcast signal of a TV show in a couple seconds Here's a finnessed use of the magnetics capability the watch has Sucks these keys to him using the magnet Can shoot a locator device a decent distance away Freeze ray strong enough to freeze a good portion of a military watchtower and encase a soldier in a solid block of ice Laser strong enough and precise enough to cut these coconuts down from a tree (bonus accuracy feat kind of) The laser can start a fire hot enough to cook eggs (at the end) Cuts cleanly through the supports on these treehouses causing a collapse in only a second or two Destroys this metal panel Destroys this metal safe Can shoot an anti-gravity disk that easily BFR's this big ass robot A "Swiss Army Laser" that cuts through material strong enough to restrain Goddard A weapon that fires "atomic-powered pants-seeing clothespin missiles". Good lord. Anyways here's a demonstration So Jimmy makes an OJ juicer he claims will deliver fresh squeezed orange juice "at the speed of sound". This isn't true, you can still hear noise as it juices the oranges. However, instead of juicing oranges, it actually sucks in debris from Jimmy's kitchen and fires it out into space at what I assume is orbital escape velocity, so Mach 33 (25319 mph) and dislodges a meteor from its flight path sending it hurtling towards Earth. I wish I was kidding. Has a machine that ages things by apparently up to 10 years at a time. We see it here age these oysters by 4 years to produce pearls in a few seconds Created a satellite transmission device using a toaster as the base that was able to play a video message to an alien race after having been in space The Brain Drain 8000 is able to drain Jimmy's brain to the intelligence level of an utter idiot(he does the "ooo shiny" thing and can't understand the alphabet) Jimmy has a time machine which he has used to bring a man (Thomas Edison) back from a different place (Menlo Park, California) and from 1899 to the present day Also used it to send him Sheen and Carl back to the '70s Also brings a Velociraptor to the present day Creates supershoes that let him do this However over the course of the rest of the episode he becomes unable to stop and has to spin around really fast on a merry-go-round to get out of them. And no I'm not linking that happening because it happens over like 7 minutes. Mind-reading device that apparently with enough electricity can cause a brain swap between the user and the subject Very realistic hologram projector (does end up malfunctioning) A hypnotism ray that originally had to be worded very specifically but in newer episodes it's much easier to use and with no negative consequences as in its first appearance It apparently wears off with an airhorn blast though Creates self-defense nanobots They later run amok and start attacking people for really minor and stupid reasons so this one is pretty inconsistent in terms of direct applicability (as with a lot of Jimmy's inventions because most episodes are "an invention goes wrong somehow") He later programs them to correct error and so they start attacking humans because humans are flawed. Oof Some feats from the deleting episode include being strong enough to turn Sheen into a literal dance puppet They have a molecular atomizer which they can use to "delete" people It can also delete objects The "Neutroscope" is able to, using faint heat signatures leftover, determine the heat outlines of people who previously passed by an area with a timestamp A time accelerator Gravity altering technology Can also increase gravity Invents a sweatband that when used by his dad allows him to become way more athletic and do this cool slow mo thing with tossed marshmallows Hugh performs like a 15 foot high and far flip with the band on (estimate by me based on like a 6 foot height for Hugh) Launches a tomato out of what earlier was a "burp-powered jetpack" with enough force to bring down this massive spaceship (Scale included) Electro-Life device that can bring things back to life by "stimulating brainwaves". Here it brings some mummies back to life (The youngest mummies died around 200 BC and Egyptian mummies are missing their liver, lungs, stomach, and brain (even though it works off of brainwaves supposedly) Jimmy's 4D Hypercube can apparently store a ton of stuff in it (from subspace presumably? ) Brings his lab equipment outside so he can examine a space rock Quantum Replay 9000 can rewind and fastforward time localized to what its pointed at Another demonstration of how far back rewind can go as well as a frame-by-frame rewind Freeze ray with impressive AOE His freeze rays can also be really precise too Lightsaber type thing strong enough to easily cut through these giant mutated plants Magnet strong enough to pull a kid with braces to it The cheese ray turns things into cheese It literally just turns the whole thing to cheese, here's a piano Here's a TV as well, just because I hate ambiguous "well maybe it couldn't turn this to cheese" crap and my OCD forces me to be picky about this shit A mini-laser the size of a pen that handily cuts through metal Easily carves text into this space rock (also kind of an accuracy feat) Using this Dance Teacher thing Jimmy downloads kung fu skills into Sheen letting him do this Has a DNA tracker that can determine rough location (It correctly states that Libby is somewhere on the other side of a wall) A sonic bullhorn? It's powerful as shit Air gum that lets you breathe underwater apparently (and talk underwater as Carl does so) Miscellaneous Gadgets His backpack has an extending arm with pretty far reach (15 feet? ) with scissors in the hand Puts a microchip in his pants and they accidentally become self-aware and he also accidentally creates an army of pants that move on their own independent of the wearer Creates magnetic plates that when polarity is reversed are powerful enough to react with the metals in a meteor and send it flying back into space Made a robot called Brobot it's pretty damn strong you can see here it clobbers a baseball and jumps high and stuff Oxidation accelerant spray used to get through a fence on a military base X-ray magnifying glass This box has basically a living room inside of it and a holographic butler Energy shovels that can be used like a jackhammer as Sheen demonstrates (they're strong enough to dig through asteroid rock) Taser fishing rod? A device that can disable alarm lasers Here's another similar "hacking" device that gets him through an army security gate A device that can mutate plants such as this "crabgrass" Massive upgrades to a McDonald's type restaurant (it eventually all goes wrong and the restaurant starts attacking people though) It has a cannon strong enough to melt an entire building It survives a close encounter with the Sun to the degree that it's considered worthy of being a new spacecraft for these aliens (Also Jimmy says the Sun is apparently the only star in the galaxy or something lol) A wormhole device that's able to transport Hugh (and his nachos) across space to where Jimmy and co. are participating in an intergalactic game show. Jimmy's mom locked onto Goddard's coordinates in order to find them He's also able to use it to hop universes to the Fairly OddParents universe without the aid of magic from said universe Anti-gravity/flying boots that he can use to completely suspend and reverse momentum and fly back up the top of a pretty tall skyscraper; they also allow him to easily carry the other 4 kids without any obvious effort (also a pretty good reflexes/quick thinking feat) Later on we learn it was a 40-story building A machine that on the "extreme" setting deadass takes him and the others to the Twilight Zone (can't even make this shit up) Hulk Jimmy This isn't normal Jimmy and wasn't originally induced by him. Jimmy and his friends were zapped in outerspace by a radiation belt thingy (Think how the FF got their powers) and became able to turn into a Hulk-like monster. Normally I wouldn't include this at all since he didn't do anything to cause himself to transform and he cured himself but Jimmy retained in a packet thingy the ability to turn himself back into the monster in case he needs to later on, so I'll include the feats here. I feel like I've got to just reclarify that this is not something that Jimmy can do normally and it was a bitch to cure him so he probably wouldn't just turn back into this right away in a fight situation Hulk Jimmy Feats Throws a truck a good distance and snaps a lamppost like a toothpick Throws a car, tanks laser blasts from military jets, and throws a hot dog cart in the air far enough and hard enough to completely destroy a fighter jet. Also displays pretty fast running speed and Hulk-leaps Leaps as high as fighter jets and isn't even fazed by a tank shell Makes short work of three tanks Other Hates democracy In conclusion, Jimmy Neutron is a pretty high tier character in terms of whowouldwin scenarios. He is fairly quick and durable physically and with the combination of his vehicular capabilities, Goddard, and gadgets like the Hypercube, shrink ray, Quantum Replay 9000, and his watch he would be a formidable opponent. In particular, even in the event that he does job (which is usually either an ambitious invention beyond his usual gadgets or is due to circumstances out of his control/plot contrivance) he thinks on his feet fairly quickly and successfully. As an additional note he possesses time travel technology, the ability to bring things back to life, cloning technology that can be used on a planetary scale, and mind control/reading/swapping technology which further increases his versatility. This took a long ass time to make.

Mrs. Obama her face when trump kissed her on the check😅🤣. All these songs hit hard still 💔💔. Love her♡. The only word that describes this perfectly cannot be translated: fremdschämen. Download movie first lady 2. Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 196 parts long and 820, 000+ words. For more information, check out the link below: What is the Cryopod to Hell? Official Discord Server. Support me on Patreon! Every dollar helps, and you get access to lots of art and other cool stuff! Want to read the whole story without waiting? Click here. It's free! I will be reposting the full story on HFY until I've caught up with the current timeline. During that period, I will update the reposted parts to edit them more cohesively, as well. Once I catch up, new parts will be posted on HFY and RedditSerials, alongside my main subreddit as they become available. Thank you for reading, and enjoy.................................... ( Previous Part) ( Part 001)... "Whaddya mean Phoebe left? " I ask, while staring at the guard in disbelief. "She was here only four minutes ago! " As usual, people mill around us in the Core. A goblin here, a lady there. The man before me shrugs. "They seemed agitated. I didn't want to bother Miss Berthol- I mean, Miss Hiro. She got in her truck and left. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. " I shake my head and sigh. "Yeah, I know. Christ. I thought she'd go hang out in a corner or something. Now I have to chase her down like a weirdo. Thanks. " "Anytime, Your Majesty. " The soldier nods at me and spares only a passing glance toward Solomon's eerie ghost figure. As he pushes past, the young man seems slightly unnerved. His discomfort at the presence of a half-dead spirit might make me laugh under different circumstances. Sadly, my mind is focused entirely on finding my wife so I can apologize to her and Samantha. Solomon watches as the soldier walks away. "It's been quite literally thousands of years since someone looked me in the eye. I'm used to staring at people's soul energy, not holding conversations on equal terms with flesh-and-blood beings. " I turn and start walking toward the gate to Tarus II. "How does that work? Staring at, err, 'soul energy, ' I mean. When I spoke to you in my mind, I thought we were talking man-to-man. " "Nope. You appeared to me like a shapeless blob of milk floating in the air. The projection you saw was little more than your imagination filling in the blanks for my brilliant countenance. Of course, my Crown did provide a little assistance. " After stepping through the portal, I yawn to pop my eardrums. "Neat. Do you think Phoebe went to Hero City, or elsewhere? Maybe she and Samantha went out for a picnic. " Solomon groans. "Jason. When women are mad at you, they wish to be left alone, but generally, a picnic is not at the top of their itinerary. They'll probably chat with each other for a while, and that will be the end of it. A few boring, sexless weeks await, and you'll move past your differences. " A moment passes. I sweep my gaze around, and Solomon steps in front of me. "Do you love Phoebe? " "Of course I do. That's a stupid question. " "And she loves you? " "Uh. Well, yes. I don't want to use a cheesy word like 'soulmate, ' but... " "Then you have no reason to worry! " Solomon laughs while grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I've had a few million quarrels with women. For one thing, having infinite knowledge meant I was always correct, and they didn't want to admit their arguments were vastly inferior to mine. However, I often learned to say I was wrong to put an end to the quibbling. My life became much simpler as a result. " I force myself not to roll my eyes. "At least you're humble about your intelligence. " "Indeed. " The king snaps his fingers. "Can't you use your Wordsmithing to find Phoebe? The sooner you apologize and own up to your mistake, the sooner we can move on to more important matters. " I stare into the distance, but I can't see Phoebe's truck anywhere. "I can use my Locate spell to track her, but after what happened with Hope, I'd rather not. I'll go home and pray she's there. It'll have to do. " "Mmm. The spying thing. Even though I barely know you, I can see your heart was in the right place. I'm sure your copycat will accept your apology. " "You're probably right. I dunno. " The two of us walk and float through the warp-gate to Tarus II and down the steps out past the security perimeter. Once I arrive on the paved road, I stand off to the side and exhale. "Man, something's bothering me about what Hope said. I called us identical, and he immediately insisted we were different. I don't understand how that can be true. I cloned him from myself barely a week ago. I could understand a few minor differences, but he acted like he was born on a different planet. " "Wasn't he? " Solomon rests his hands on his hips. "You made him here in the Labyrinth. You were born on Earth. That seems like a different planet to me. " "I mean, okay, sure, but that's nitpicking. My point is that Hope had all of my memories, my looks, my emotions, everything was identical right up to the moment of his creation. What the hell could change in a week? " "I don't know, " Solomon replies. "Not about him specifically, anyway. A person's world can change in five minutes, though. What experiences do you and he share, and what have the two of you lived differently? " I ponder Solomon's question. A minute passes. Two. Three. "Well, Hope fought Uriel while I stayed behind. I barely know how that went. I'm married to Phoebe... but he has nobody. Now that you mention it, there are a few other differences. I didn't think they were major at first, but maybe you're onto something. " "Of course I am, you simple-minded child! I'm the bloody Knowledge-Seeker. I'm always right. " Solomon groans again and spins on his heel. "Why don't you try looking at things from his perspective? If he really was you until the moment you created him, but you're the one getting married while he isn't, how would you feel if you watched Phoebe get stripped away by another man? Even if that man was technically you? " "Well, I'd... I'd feel pretty terrible. " "Precisely. Awful, alone, confused. Hope has to reinvent his entire identity. Why, it would be like stepping from one epoch of humanity's timeline into another! A jarring and unwelcome change of scenery that would force one to adapt. Surely you know what I mean. " "I do. You're referring to the Cryopod. You told me you were frightened and scared when you first emerged. It's a natural sensation when one arrives at an unknown destination. For example, if a man comes home to his faithful wife and sees her in bed with another, his existence will shatter. In an instant, he will call into question every moment they shared, every secret, and deep inside his heart, he will shift into a different person entirely. For Hope, he shares all of your memories, so I imagine that right as he was growing comfortable in his new life, met a nice girl, became a Hero that saved everyone from demons and monsters... he was suddenly torn out of all of that and told he needed to rebuild again. That's two major blows to his psyche in one year, and you're both barely out of your adolescent phases. " I stare ahead numbly, looking not at Solomon, but through him. "Wow. I never thought of that. I've been a terrible friend. " "Simply dreadful. " "I should have put myself in his shoes and talked to him more. " "Agreed. " "Solomon, your snark isn't helping. " "I don't care. " The King chuckles to himself about something. "Heh, the first step to solving a problem is to recognize there is one in the first place. Even the wisest sometimes struggle with that. " "Including you? " "No. " This time it's me who groans. "You're so humble. I'm going to make a vehicle. Gimme a sec. " I take a minute to imagine the inner workings of my Ferrari. Its contours, the engine. Before I finish, Solomon speaks. "Hold on. What are you imagining? " "A car. I have a Ferrari I like to drive. " "Yes. I can see the image in your head. But a vehicle that drives on wheels will be significantly slower and more dangerous than a hovercraft or even a spaceship. Here, let me assist you. " Solomon closes his eyes. A moment later, his mouth opens. " SAEN DHA WUSNR UL DHA WERR I LAAN DU RAA DHA FAISCRA AED DHA ELDARUFA FIRD UID DHA FIL ELN SHAARA ELN RAD'R SERR AID E NEIRR. " Solomon speaks a series of unintelligible, screechy sounds that nearly make me yank the Crown off my head. Whatever he's saying, they aren't words. Even the Crown can't translate them for me. He opens his eyes. "There. I've loaded up a basic template for a miniature spacecraft. With this, you can house a crew of up to four people comfortably. " Solomon's design appears in my mind. The ship looks like something from a sci-fi movie, with a sleek silver hull, a pointed nose, an engine on each wing, and a hyperdrive in the back. However... "Why the gold lining and baubles? Why did you design this ship with all these rubies and gems all over the hull? I don't understand Bedazzling the exterior of a spaceship. " Solomon scoffs. "You're the bloody Hero! You need to travel in style! People respect and fawn over those who cover themselves in riches and jewelry. It's only natural for the almighty Hero to make people stop and stare when he flies past. " "I think you're going a little too far. " "Psh. I knew you'd complain. I resisted the urge to make the entire exterior solid-gold, but you still whine like a billy goat. " "I'm not whining. " Solomon rolls his eyes. He flaps his hands at me and says in a mocking voice, " I'm not whining. " I sigh. "Solomon... I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before... but you're an asshole sometimes. " "Only sometimes? It's supposed to be constant. " "At least you don't deny it. " I aim my mind at an empty area of the road and speak aloud. " Ship. " Within five seconds, the spacecraft materializes and gently plunks onto the asphalt. It's much bigger in person compared to my mind, standing twenty feet tall, thirty feet wide, and about eighty-feet long. Considering all of the internal mechanisms, it's probably significantly smaller inside. The entry platform lowers. I walk over to it and grumble to myself about the stupid rhinestones, rubies, and gems embedded all over the side of the craft. A Bedazzled spacecraft is the opposite of badass. Solomon follows me. Once inside, I gaze around and take in the sights. It's much roomier than I expected, with a single unbroken hallway leading all the way to the beds in the back, bathrooms in the middle, and an open dining area along the way. I expected something akin to a large RV, but it's more like a small house. I make my way to the cockpit and sit down. Thanks to the Crown, I know what every button, knob, and dial does, but it still feels very... alien. Solomon sits in the co-pilot seat. "We should give this beautiful lady a name. " "Like what? " "Oh, I don't know. Something extravagant and mysterious, exuding warmth and wealth. " "None of those adjectives belong in the same sentence. " "Bloody hell, not this again. Always with the complaining... " Solomon trails off. "Ah, I've got it! How about Esther? " "You want me to name the ship... Esther? " "Sure! It's a beautiful name! Esther was one of only two women to have an entire book of the Holy Bible devoted to them. The other was my great-great-grandmother, Ruth. " Solomon pauses for a moment before continuing. "Have you, perchance, ever read the Bible? " "A bit, but only if one of my foster families dragged me to church. I'm more into ancient Greek and Roman philosophy. The Bible didn't do it for me. " Solomon purses his lips. "So that's how it is, eh? " "I read about you! " That satisfies him. "Good. My appearance is the most important part of the entire Bible. " "Okay, now you've gone too far. You're not more important than Jesus. " "Sure, I am. " "Bullshit! " "It's true. " "Yeah, okay. If you say so. " I turn away from him and activate the ship's thrusters. Several button presses later, it ascends into the sky. A sensation of disorientation hits me as we ascend. The gradual climb is so smooth that looking through the windows outside is more like watching a television screen. I don't feel the movement at all. Solomon reads my mind. "Inertia dampeners. " "Cool. " By the time Esther has hovered a hundred feet up, my eyes raise to the stars above. Solomon leans back in his chair. "Let's take a detour, Jason. ".............................................. I've spent months using my new powers, and never once did I consider venturing into space. Now that I'm here, I can't believe myself. I was an idiot. Thousands, millions, perhaps billions of specks of light dot the sky. Far in the distance, Tarus II's sun, Vorus, burns radiantly. Its light would usually damage my eyes, but thanks to ultraviolet shielding on Esther's front window, it doesn't. Two small moons orbit Tarus II. Esther highlights several points of interest in the space around our planet, including a comet and an asteroid caught in orbit. Solomon rubs his hands together. "Breathtaking, isn't it? I remember my first time leaving Earth's atmosphere. I saw several videos of astronauts and the Moon Landing, but entering space is different compared to watching videos or looking at images. " "Yeah. It's something else. Takes my breath away. " "The Volgrim and the Demons own much, if not all of the galaxy by now. The stars we see are only those nearest us within a thousand light-years or so. I would be surprised if any of them were free of the reach of our enemies. " I slump in my seat. "A hundred thousand years is a long time... but surely there must be some planets they haven't defiled yet? Is it even possible to colonize millions of planets in only tens of thousands of years? " "Perhaps not thousands, " Solomon murmurs. "But the Volgrim are an ancient species, descending from ancestors millions of years older than humanity. They had plenty of time to colonize the galaxy long before they met our species. " Solomon's eyes turn distant. "Humans believed they were alone in the universe for thousands of years. Despite our awareness of angels, beings who once lived among the stars, we arrogantly viewed ourselves as the lone seed of life drifting throughout the infinite void. We were wrong. Even I held incorrect assumptions, as I did not learn of the Volgrim's existence until the rest of my species did. " "The Milky Way is a single speck among billions of other specks. Our pretty little spiral houses tens of thousands of habitable worlds, and the Volgrim have long since laid claim to most, if not all of them. They watched humanity's rise from the primordial soup with the same dispassionate gaze as they did all the other planets teeming with life. It was only once we achieved a certain technological epoch that their worried gazes fell upon us. Thus began the Energy Wars. " "You mentioned the Energy Wars before, " I say. "I know we ultimately lost, but did we stand any chance of winning at all? " "Solomon sighs. "No. We were about as threatening to the Volgrim as an ant to a boot. Even had I joined my intellect with King Arthur's might and Joan of Arc's courage, we would have inevitably lost the war, so powerful was the fist of our oppressors. " "I have Wordsmithing, though, " I say. "Maybe you three couldn't have saved humanity, but I could. I should have been able to do something. " "Don't blame yourself, Jason. I suspect you entered the cryopod as part of the Creator's divine will. Had you fought on Earth, you might have perished along with the rest of humanity. Things are not always as they seem. "Maybe so, but I still feel guilty every day. I wish I had done something. I wish I could go back and fix everything. " "Regret is a crucial part of life's adventure, " Solomon says, solemnly. "Everyone has regrets. Even me. " A few moments pass. The ancient king sighs. "We've admired the view. Now, let us return home. I thought taking a short break from all your worries to see a purer form of the universe would do you some good. Sadly, duty calls. " Instead of turning the ship back toward Tarus II, I stare at the moon orbiting Tarus II. "Hey, maybe this is a stupid question, but how hospitable would you say Kelkin is? Tarus II's moon, I mean. " Solomon glances at the displays on Esther's scanners, detailing the readouts on the distant grey globe. "It resides in the brown-level Goldilocks zone. While technically colonizable, Kelkin isn't self-sustaining. Given its lack of atmosphere and methane-ice surface, it would take a tremendous amount of effort to terraform. " "Right... " I mutter. "But I have Wordsmithing. The Volgrim and Demons don't. " Solomon stares at me for a moment, then turns to gaze at Kelkin. "Oh. That's an interesting idea. You're smarter than I expected, Jason Hiro. " "Your compliments feel like insults. " "Haha, take my words however you like. " A smile spreads across my face. "That's the trick, Solomon. We might not need to seek out colonizable planets. Maybe I can make my own and expand humanity's borders in a way that even the Volgrim can't. " Solomon taps his chin. "Terraforming is a costly feat the Volgrim only use when a planet is already sufficiently within the Goldilocks zone. A moon like Kelkin would be terrible for their technological capabilities. They could transform it into a habitable world, but it would take centuries and require an enormous amount of resources. If your Wordsmithing is capable of turning barren, desolate worlds into functional Earths, you'll have a huge leg up on the Volgrim. " Solomon leans forward. A huge smile spreads across his face. "So how about it? Try terraforming the moon. " Immediately, I shake my head. "Sorry, Solomon, but no can do. I don't have a millionth the magical capacity I need to pull off world-scale Wordsmithing. Hell, just trying to create a couple of generic three-story buildings nearly killed me. If I want to terraform Kelkin, it will take me several years, working in tiny increments. The only solution that will speed up the process is a massive boost to my mana capacity. " Solomon's smile disappears. I see. I don't yet understand all the intricacies of your life and powers. My apologies. Perhaps I'll spend tonight performing a deep-mind search to see if I can come up with a workaround. " I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean by 'deep-mind search'? That sounds... invasive. " "You're wearing my crown, Jason, " Solomon says, offering a kindly smile. "The moment you put it on, my artifact downloaded all of your memories and knowledge, just as it has with countless other people. Where do you think I obtained my knowledge of theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, and other such complex scientific branches? I combined the experience and memories of countless geniuses to advance my own knowledge of the universe! " Slowly, I nod. "So... you can see all of my memories? All the embarrassing stuff that's happened to me? All of my, um... private thoughts? " Solomon facepalms. "Yes, yes. Don't you worry, though, boy. That unflattering moment from when you were fourteen and Lindsey rejected you is a far cry from some of the things I saw in Einstein's memories. Your minor blunders are hardly worth my attention when I've seen things that would make former world leaders blush with shame. " Solomon's words make me lower my eyes. ".. didn't reject me... " "No, no, my dear boy. You rejected her. Of course. " Hearing Solomon bring up one of my embarrassing moments from high school makes me want to crawl in a ditch and die. I tap Esther's controls, turn the ship around, and head back to Tarus II. 's call it a day. " "Haha. Yes, let's. " The atmosphere of Tarus burns around the ship as we begin our rapid descent. I glance at Solomon. "So, uh... I have a question. " "Hmm? " "You're the first Hero I've met. In-person, I mean. Can you tell me more about yourself? Your magic? " Solomon rubs his chin thoughtfully. "I never experimented with my magic. I was lucky to be born during a time of relative peace. I engaged in minor skirmishes against the demons here and there occasionally, but I never needed to exercise my heroic powers on the field of battle. " "Oh? What were your abilities? " Both of us gaze out at the long reach of a massive ocean as we fly lower and lower into Tarus II's atmosphere. "I don't know. My attributes leaned heavily toward intellect, rather than strength and agility. I think I possessed some ability to conjure holy energy, but I never used it in my day to day life. " "I guess you didn't need to. You know, being a king and all. " Solomon turns his head to look at me. "Say, Jason... something has been bothering me for a while. Regarding your status as a Hero, that is. " "Like what? " We quickly fly past the ocean and over the mountaintops. Hero City, built on a plateau, grows visible in the distance. Several of Bahamut's pyramids rise in the distance, giving the oddly modern-looking city a hybrid feeling of past-meets-present. It proves quite jarring. "Heroes typically were men and women of great influence. The Heroic Aura sought out those most likely to use their abilities for the greater good. Commoners rarely gained such power. Therefore, this begs the question of why it would possess you. After all, you are a relatively normal youth. Were your parents wealthy or famous? " I shake my head. "I don't remember them. I know my mother died before my second birthday. My father gave me up for adoption. " "He did? Strange. " Solomon shakes his head. "Do you remember who he was? " "No. The little I know is because of a few official documents I used to travel with between foster homes. As far as I'm concerned, my parents both died when I was a child. " My answer seems to satisfy Solomon, and he gazes at the specter of Hero City as we fly closer. While I bring the ship down to land in an empty field, the king nods slowly. "So you didn't know your parents, and you have the Heroic Spirit. Perhaps they knew of your importance. They might have been wealthy aristocrats or descendants of a royal bloodline. That would explain your abilities. " "I suppose that's possible. My father didn't leave me any money though, so I don't think he was wealthy. You might be grasping at straws. Didn't you imply the Heroic Aura sometimes possesses those not born from an important bloodline? " "I did, but a circumstance like that was scarce. Only a dozen or so cases that I know of. " The ship touches down a hundred feet from the city's perimeter. Forty curious onlookers peep out from behind a building. They must have seen Esther's arrival, and now they're worried we might be enemies. Solomon chews on his thumb. "You know, Jason... the last time a Hero appeared was around the beginning of the 20th century. I always wondered what happened to his descendants. " "That does sound strange, " I say, noncommittally. "I don't know anything about the past Heroes, though. Well, other than Joan and Arthur. " "Those are the ones everyone's heard of, along with me, " Solomon says with a wink. "How unfortunate that so many have forgotten the names of Jepthath, Caesar, and Sir Lorent. " Solomon and I both stand up and walk toward the exit hatch. The ramp extends down, and when the crowd of onlookers sees us, a collective sigh of relief fills the air. A few men, along with one Salamander, wander over. I recognize Ogie immediately. "Sweet 'n salty walnuts! You scared the stools out of us, " the Salamander says. "What in Sam-heck is that flyin' bullet thing? " "It's a spaceship, " I reply, not wanting to go into much detail. I notice several people looking at Solomon questioningly, so I decide to take him down a notch. "This guy is a ghost friend of mine named Solomon. He's nobody important. " The king gawks. "I beg your pardon?! " "Yeah, you heard me, grandpa. Wave at the townsfolk. " Solomon grumbles something under his breath. I only make out a few choice curses. Several minutes later, he and I arrive at the front of Bahamut's old palace, now redesignated my official home. The king curls his lip up. "You're slumming it, then? " "What? This is the best place in the city! Huge rooms, full course meals, all that good stuff. " "The aesthetic is dreadful. It looks like an average-sized office building. Have you no Heroic pride? " "We went over this already. It's still shameful. I'm surprised Saul allowed my spiritual descendant to live in such a horrid environment. When I see him next, I'm going to gouge his useless eyes out. " I cringe at his vivid description. "I don't think you need to go that far. " "Yes, but after all the training I gave him, he's making me look bad. Maybe I'll only flay an inch of skin from his body. Even I can be merciful. " I decide not to comment. We enter my home, and every step becomes unbearable as Solomon comments on this drab ornament or that ugly trinket, or how the lighting isn't complimentary. Multiple times, he begs me to use my Wordsmithing to change the walls to gold and silver. I do my best to tune him out. We make our way upstairs, and eventually, arrive at my bedroom door. When I open it, I catch the tail end of Phoebe speaking. "-his fault. I think he misunderstood. That's all. " "Yes, but it was hurtful. After everything I've done to help the humans, I just... I thought people would treat me differently. They still act like I'm part of a demon conspiracy to kill-" Samantha stops talking. She turns around to the doorway as Solomon and I enter. I wince at the tears on her face. "Uh... um... bad time? I can come back later... " The succubus quickly looks away and wipes her face. "It's fine. I should return to my room anyway. " "Wait, hold on. " I hold my hand up. "Samantha- I'm sorry. I came all the way here to say that. I overheard Hope saying something, and I jumped the gun. I shouldn't have accused you of anything. That was wrong of me. " The succubus's tail flicks around nervously. Samantha continues to sit on the bed without making any effort to get up, and stares at her crossed legs. "An apology. I don't know why, but I didn't expect that. " Phoebe stares at me. Her face shows anger, but everything else about her appears contemplative, as though she's spent the better part of twenty minutes playing devil's advocate on my behalf to try and explain my actions. She's too good for me. "I'm glad you came, Jason. We were talking about you the whole time. " "I, uh, figured as much. " My wife's eyes look to the ghostly figure standing beside me. "You brought a friend? " Before I can reply, Samantha turns around to look at me, but she registers Solomon as well. She starts to say something, but pauses a moment before speaking. "Do I know you? " Solomon shakes his head and beams a grin at her. "I'm Solomon. One of the ancient kings, also known as the smartest being in existence. I doubt we've met, for I could never forget one as beautiful as yourself. " His flattery doesn't affect her. "You're right. I'd remember someone as braggadocious as you. You do look familiar, but it's probably the whole royalty getup. I've known a few kings. " Solomon slides over to the bed and sits down, though his body makes no impression on the covers. "I wish I'd been one of them. " "Smooth. " Samantha rolls her eyes and turns back to me, forgetting Solomon exists within the span of two seconds. I should have told you I was a shapeshifter. I owe you an apology too. I didn't realize that humans would value appearances so much. If it makes you feel any better, this is my natural body. I don't enhance it in the slightest. " I blink. "Wait... I think there's been a misunderstanding... I wasn't worried about you abusing your, um, sex appeal. It was more of an espionage issue. " "How so? " A bead of sweat drips down my back. Come on, Jason! You just apologized, and now you're going to imply she's a shapeshifter who wants to infiltrate us for some nefarious purpose?! Talk about ruining the goodwill you just built!!.. I have to tell the truth. I have to tell Samantha what I saw. No more lying. I lean against the wall. "Here's the deal. I used 'Locate' and overheard Hope and Neil talking. They said that you... that you betrayed Uriel. You killed her or something. I don't know the details. On top of that, you can manipulate the emotions and feelings of those around you, and you can change your appearance. It was wrong of me to jump to conclusions, especially after you saved my life and Phoebe's in our battle against Amelia and Satan. However, surely you can see how combined with not wanting me to see the files about the Volgrim, I might assume you were-" "You saw the files? " Samantha interrupts me. Her voice turns cold as ice. "After I warned you not to look... you examined them anyway? " "I did. " Samantha lowers her head. "Jason... you crossed a line you shouldn't have. " "So what if I know about the aliens? What's the big problem? " Samantha flicks her eyes to Phoebe uneasily. She wants to keep the information about the Volgrim as tight-lipped as possible. A moment later, she seems to realize I'll tell Phoebe later anyway, so there's no point being secretive. "The problem is that nobody but the Emperors and Dukes know of the Volgrim's existence. No other demons, no monsters, and certainly no humans... nobody. It's part of our treaty. Due to issues we've had with uprisings in the past, the Volgrim only agreed to a cease-fire under the condition that we keep our arrogant elements in check. The moment word gets out about them and reaches any loose-lipped fellow; their weapons will train on us. " "Alright. I suppose you have a point. I don't really understand, but if that's the case, why let anyone have access to files like we found? " Samantha pulls on a loose string of hair. "You used that Crown, didn't you? Nobody should be able to decipher the computer files left behind except Ose. She's the one who devised all the systems that keep humans and demons in check. I don't know much about technology, nor do most demons, but she's a genius when it comes to it. Under normal circumstances, nobody I know could decipher those files. You're probably the only person who can. " A slight tinge of pride burns in my heart. Yeah, damn straight! I'm a genius too! Solomon smirks at me. His thoughts transmit into my mind. Only by using my power. "Well, Samantha, it's too late now. I saw the files. Oh, and when I did, Ose appeared inside my mind. She tried to take over my body, but she awakened Solomon instead, and he saved me. " A lightbulb pops up above Phoebe's head. She looks from me to my crown and then to Solomon. "Ahh! Solomon! His crown! He's the man who... oh my gosh! " Solomon snaps his fingers. "Yes! Now you understand! Tis' I, the most incredible, brilliant, and good-looking man who ever lived! I'm surprised it took you this long to realize! " Phoebe's surprise melts away instantly. You're that kind of person. " "What do you mean? " "Nothing. Never mind. " Solomon might be the most knowledgeable man in existence, but even he doesn't know everything. The thought comforts me. Samantha shifts on the bed and turns her whole body toward me. Seeing the front of the voluptuous succubus instantly gets my hormones raging, but I immediately suppress them. "Jason, we both made mistakes. Let's call it even and move on, okay? " I nod. "That's fair. " In the back of my mind, a nagging concern buzzes like an angry blowfly. Despite my immediate agreement with her words, I pivot on a dime. "Well, one thing. I do have to ask... What happened with Uriel? Can you explain that to me? " She shrugs. "It was a long time ago. Some people change in a day; some people need a few years. How much would you change if a hundred thousand years passed? " "A lot, I suppose. I still would like to know what happened, though. "... The succubus sighs. "I did what Satan ordered. Back then, we all did. " Samantha grips her leg firmly. A look of unease appears on her face. "It was part of a day in history known as the War in Heaven. Ninety-nine percent of all demons died, as did the majority of all angels. It was a bloodbath unlike any other. My job was to infiltrate and eliminate the forward guard so our forces could enter Heaven. I followed my orders. We made it inside. There isn't much to say otherwise. " "But... you killed Uriel, right? " Samantha's face turns ashen. "No! I would never do that! I wounded her badly, yes, but I hate killing. I'm a pacifist, Jason. I only fight if it's necessary. " "Sure, but you rushed back to the Labyrinth earlier to battle her as soon as that one Duke guy gave the word. " "He's a Baron, and his name is Orias. " Samantha shakes her head in annoyance. "I have obligations to the demons, Jason. More importantly, Uriel is a threat not only to my people but yours as well. She's a dangerous, unhinged lunatic who kills for sport. By the time Hope and I arrived, she had slain nearly a hundred thousand of my people. Would you prefer I let her rampage around unchecked? " "I suppose not. " "Good. " Samantha waves her hand at me, flippantly. "Perhaps you should ask Hope what the battle against her was like. He nearly died, after all. " The succubus seethes for a moment. "I wonder why Hope would say bad things about me after we fought together. Perhaps I should speak to him. The two of you are very aggravating sometimes. " Phoebe smiles and rubs Samantha's shoulder. "Yeah, that's men for you. But he's all mine! " "Tch. You can keep him, " Samantha says. However, despite her words, a trace of a smile appears on her face. I breathe a sigh of relief. Samantha doesn't hate me after all. Thank god.... Several minutes later, Samantha stands up and adjusts her clothing. "Well, um, sorry for weeping like a child. I'll be heading to my room now, Phoebe. " Phoebe waggles her fingers in the air. "See you around, Sammy. Drop by anytime! " "Trust me; I will. " Samantha walks past me as I sit on the bed. She stops a few feet away. "Jason, if you don't keep hold of Phoebe, I'll take her for myself. " "What? " "Ta-ta~! " She leaves the room and closes the door. Now only Phoebe, Solomon, and I remain. My wife glances at the ghostly man sitting beside me on the edge of the bed. how is this going to work? " "I don't know what you mean. " Her cheeks burn red. "Is Solomon going to follow you everywhere? All the time? " The king responds before I can think of an answer. "Oh, there won't be any problems. Just pretend I'm not here! I'll stand and watch silently as you two do whatever it is that young newlyweds do! " Phoebe's expression flattens. "That's not going to happen. " "Why not? " "I don't like lecherous old men. That's why. " Phoebe points at the Crown. "Make sure you take that off, tonight. I will, " I say with a smile. "No way this voyeur's getting a peep show. " Solomon's face turns crestfallen. "B-but Jason! I thought we were friends!! Phoebe is far more beautiful than the fairest lily in the bluest pond! Please, don't take away the only thing this poor old man lives for! " I lift the crown off my head. Solomon vanishes, leaving Phoebe and me alone. "Yeah, that sealed the deal. " I set the crown on the dresser beside the bed, then turn to my wife and smile. "A lot of stuff happened today. " "Mhmmm... " Phoebe flops onto her back and traces a circle on her collarbone. "I'm still mad at you for making Sammy cry. " "Aw, c'mon. I apologized! " "Yes, but you didn't apologize to me. " "I'm sorry. " Phoebe closes her eyes. "Okay. That'll do. " Grinning giddily, I reach for my belt buckle. "Great! Now that we're married, let's get out of these clothes! " "Somehow, I knew that would be the only thing on your mind. " Inwardly, I wince. Images of two thousand demon heads exploding appear in my mind. "No... not the only thing. " Next Part.

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This program was designed as a short term respite for kids before they go on to their next placement, for tops of a few months. Obviously, I have been here much longer whilst they figure out what to do with me. Due to the short-term design, the policies are really poorly designed- From them not allowing me a therapy animal (Currently fighting against) and even breaking my legal right to privacy by forcing me to get changed with my door open (No longer a policy. Shocking) I have always hated these policies, and being one of the eldest kids in the program some of them are downright insulting, like not letting me watch M movies when I turned 13 (I'm almost 16 now), and not letting me sit in the front seat of the car. Recently, they did a redesign of their policies surrounding chemicals within the household. This was problematic for me, as an artist; I had to convince them that it was indeed necessary to have turpentine in my art room. One of the additions they made was that we could only use certain brands of things- including shampoo and body wash. Being the true negotiaters they are, they decided that as a 16 year old girl, I shouldn't be forced to use the shampoo they forced us to buy. Gee, thanks... As such, during a meeting in my house, Team leader told me that if I wanted to use any body product- Shampoo, makeup, perfume, toothpaste, deoderant etc. I had to send them a photo and name so they could add it to the allowed products list. The following conversation ensued (Not exact, but close enough): Team leader: Unfortunately, we will need you to take a photo of all the products you own and send it through so I can add it to the list. Me: But I have a lot of stuff. Do I really have to? Team leader: Yes. Smiles slightly condescendingly Me: But it's going to take me like an hour to take a photo of everything! Do I have to do this every time I buy something new? Team leader: Yes. Unless you buy it with your own money, you need to send it through. Me: To clarify, you want me to take a photo of everything? I have a LOT of stuff. Team leader: Yes, as per the policy. If you want to use chosen products, we need to have it in the system. Now, heres the thing about me: I have a germphobia. I use my own dishgloves, scrub-brush and dishsoap. I only use certain mugs in the house and won't allow others to touch my dishbrush; If they do I buy a new one. One of the problems with this is that at a certain point, a shampoo or soap won't make me feel 'clean' enough. It's irrational, but I can't help it. Once I think a certain thing isn't working, I need a new replacement. I hate waste however, so I always keep the half full bottles and containers. Don't judge me too much, I'm getting help. My point is, when I told Team leader I had a lot of stuff, I meant a lot. An unbearable amount. On my shower floor alone, I have 16 bottles spread out over 8 different kinds of shampoos, 7 body washes, 12 conditioners, 5 bars of soap in the container, plus 3 different face washes, a bottle of antiseptic shampoo, 4 shave foams and 2 razors. This is only what is on my SHOWER FLOOR. I'm not proud of it... One last time, I asked Team leader if she was positive I needed to do this. I warned her that I truly had a lot of things, and that it was kind of an invasion of my privacy. The reponse text: Team leader: Hi Antisocial Crisis, I'm afraid, per the policy, that we will still need photos of each product with labels clearly visible- So please refrain from grouping products in the photos. Cheers, Team leader:) Ok. Malicious Compliance engaged. Over the course of 2 hours, I pulled out every product I owned. A full inventory would take too long, but some highlights were: 23 kinds of shampoo 14 Deoderants 27 kinds of conditioner 19 different bars of soap 8 toothpastes Yes, I am aware I have a problem. This was only what they brought with their money, and I left out the majority of products. Next I took very carefully shot photos of each product, front and back, making sure no other products were grouped together. I mean, we couldn't have 'Heads and shoulders glossy' mixed with 'Heads and shoulders repairing and hydrating', now could we? That would be a clear violation of policy. Overall, I took photos of over 400 products. Remember, she wanted makeup, body washes, EVERYTHING. I didn't end up sending photos of everything. I think I took enough to get my point across though. I don't have wifi in this house, btw. So I had to use what little mobile data I had to send these. My phone is a Samsung Galaxy, but it is a slightly older model and was already starting to glitch out due to low storage space. It took another half hour to get it to load properly, and then, I sent it through. Every. Last. One. Now, no offence to apple users, but Apple is well known for problems regarding updates of older phones. Namely, they don't. So whilst my phone's CPU overheated but continued to work ok, Team leader's work phone, an Iphone 5 something, couldn't quite handle the stress of a direct download of several hundred photos. I don't blame myself for this- She saved too much to the phone already, and she chose to click the 'Download attachment' button. In short, her phone broke. Badly. I can't explain what exactly happened, because I don't know, but I guess the phone just couldn't process the size of the files. I didn't hear back for a few days, and when I did it was a very curt email. "AntisocialCrisis, We were unaware of the amount of products you own. As such, we have decided to ignore it. You can disregard the policy change, we will pretend we never knew. Thankyou" Quick point to make: Team leader is honestly a really cool lady, and can take a joke. If it had been her boss, I would have been screwed. But Team leader was able to see the humour, as was her collegue. So they decided to just pretend it never happened, and never tell their boss. I don't know how she explained the phone problem, but she got a new work phone regardless. Maybe not the best result, but it was my first malicious compliance and I'm pretty proud of myself. I did warn her. I did force myself to get rid of some of the products though. TL;DR: Work phone couldn't handle the amount of shampoo I own, but I still smell fabulous. Edit: I know most of you probably don't care, but I just wanted to say that I have made some progress with it and have cleared out a lot of the stuff in my shower. It's by no means fixed, but I feel I have made a huge step forward. I have attached 3 images of my shower and the products in it Edit 2: Can someone explain the "May contain over 18" thing on Imgur? It's a picture of shampoo...

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